


Vanessa's decision

by Allineedarebooks



Category: Penny Dreadful (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-23 19:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9671801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allineedarebooks/pseuds/Allineedarebooks
Summary: What if Vanessa, after her time at the Banning Clinic, started getting better. Will she find her God in the darkness surrounding her or will she remain in battle with the darkness that strives to take over her.AU, in which instead of embracing with the devil, when “Sir Malcom” visits Vanessa in the night, she rejects evil and tries to find her god again.(Set pre-series with scenes from Vanessa's flashback episode "Closer than Sisters" in season 1)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all, this is my first proper fanfiction in a long time and my first published on AO3. As seen in the summary this is set before the time period of Penny Dreadful but includes scenes seen in episode 5 of season 1. This is the flashback episode where we, the audience sees Vanessa's childhood and the circumstances that lead to the canon timeline. I explore in this writing an alternate ending, in which Vanessa makes a certain decision that could change anything.

She had been asleep, her dreamless slumber being her only escape. Her hours spent awake were agony; she had seen her mother in tears, her father shocked silent. She couldn't talk, she could hardly move. She just existed. She would lay in her bed, not talking and hardly eating day after day. The seizures were worse, she would loose all control of her body, her mind protesting. Her mother would scream and cry into her father's arms. Yet, Vanessa could do nothing.

It had all been her fault. She had sinned, she had betrayed her dearest friend, her Mina. Her dear Mina who had been so excited for her wedding, and because of Vanessa's jealousy, she had torn that away from her friend. She had sinned. She would always remember the look on Mina's face when she had walked in and found Vanessa and Captain Branson, entangled on the table.

So much of their shared childhood had been spent in that room. They would spend hours in that room; her, Mina and Peter stuffing animals in the act of taxidermy. Mina had always been kinder than Vanessa. Mina had created squirrels and other docile animals, but Vanessa had created birds of prey and other feared and fierce predators. But know when Vanessa thought of that room, all she could see was Mina's grief-stricken face, not the happy childhood memories.

 

Peter had come that day, marking the only interaction between her family and the Murray's since the incident that split the families apart. He was leaving for Africa with Sir Malcolm. He had always dreamed of being an explorer like his father and now was finally able to take a step towards that goal. Peter, who had always been too kind, had come to see Vanessa and to say goodbye. But Vanessa had been mostly unresponsive. Except for the few words she had spoken to him. _You're going to die there._

 

She awoke, hearing a voice, rolling her head on her pillow she looked and saw Sir Malcolm, sitting in a chair at the end of her bed. Her father had sat in that chair for what would seem like hours, holding her mother's hand. Sir Malcolm sat as he always did, straight-backed and proper, but his eyes weren't the pale blue they always were but dark and red. This was not Sir Malcolm. He continued talking but his words were only just starting to make sense to Vanessa. The haze in her mind slowly dissipating.

 

She wheezed out, "You are not here."

"And yet," he responded, and _yet he was here_. He left that unsaid but Vanessa knew it anyway.

"Who are you? You are not Sir Malcolm." She asked, looking at the figure.

"You have to name a thing to make it live, don't you?" Her taxidermy, her animals she would bring to life. She would always name them, giving them life as if a witches spell. You had to name them, she had once thought.

"And shall I name you?" Vanessa asked, sitting up. When she spoke her voice didn't waver as much. It was hoarse from disuse but strong.

"Only if you want me to live." The demon replied lightly.

"Serpent. Is that what you mean? Enchanter, Deceiver, Prince of Darkness, Devil of the Pit?" Vanessa accused, leaning forward. Her voice was strained but her anger could be heard in it clearly.

"Have you such contempt for your old friend? So, the Keats, four lines from Ode to a Nightingale have always struck a chord with me. Keats was dying when he wrote them, and he knew he was dying, which adds to the piquancy, don't you think? Would you like to hear them?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Vanessa, please. You've always had a choice. You allowed all this to happen. Hell, you sought it out and fucked it-" He stood, slowly walking around the bed towards her. "You could have shut the door at any time. You still can. Right now. Will you?"

Vanessa swung her legs gently over the side of the bed. She would not be looked down upon by this demon. She would stand strong. She pushed herself off the bed and stood, her legs protesting greatly. Vanessa ignored it and stood straight.

"Yes."

"And give up everything we could have together? The true knowledge of man's virtue, as well as his sin. The power. The sight beyond this world."

"I want nothing beyond this world."

The demon raised his hand and caressed the back of her neck. He looked Vanessa dead in the eyes. She stood stiffly, but the presence of the fatherly figure made her calm. But this was not Sir Malcolm. She was not safe.

"Don't lie to me. You've always been drawn to the deep ocean, to the dark whisper, a mirror behind the glass eyes. To life at its fullest. Will you close that door now?"

His face was inches away from her own, his hot breath on her cheek, her neck. She felt herself slipping away, melting into his embrace. But then she caught herself, she realised what he was trying to do. With all her strength, all her willpower, Vanessa pushed the demon away.

"Yes"

She can do this, Vanessa knows she can do this.

"You will give up all that you could have? All that we could have together?" The demon is impassive and non-reacting.

"Yes," She spoke, finding her inner courage.

"You will forsake who you are?" Still impassive, still not feeling. The demon's voice, Sir Malcolm's voice, is monotone but there is an edge to it. This demon knows he is losing his grasp on Vanessa Ives.

"No, I will forsake what you will make me. You are not truly here." Vanessa said, saying it with whatever strength she can still muster.

"Oh, but I am, I will always be here." A cruel smile, stretching his face.

 

Vanessa limped past the figure and headed towards the door. She is strong, she would forgo these evil thoughts. She will not let the dark forces win her over. She glanced back but nothing was there. The demon who had taken the form of Sir Malcolm was gone. Her room was illuminated only by the dying fire in her hearth. Vanessa Ives took a deep, shaky breath and opened the door. She closed her eyes, willing whatever strength she had left to help her now. She then stepped over the threshold and closed the door behind her. The hallway was quiet and dark, a few candles dotted along the stretch of hall. The hardwood flooring was cold on her bare feet. But as she walked the expensive carpets and rugs cushioned her feet. She hadn't remembered what it felt like to walk on the cushioning of the rugs.

 

Claire Ives was in the parlour, sitting stiffly in the large chair. She stared into the distance, her book long forgotten, her tea gone cold. Vanessa had spoken to Peter, Claire knew it. But upon inquiring, Peter had told Claire he couldn't make out Vanessa's words. But Claire knew he had, Vanessa had said something horrible. Peter's entire body had become horribly rigid and his face had paled. He had always been kind and he was soft and didn't have a cruel bone in his body. The boy had grown a beard, but it looked out of place on his young face. He was a man now, but all she could see was a child, trying to be an adult. His eyes looked so much like Malcolm's, that clear blue colour. The Murray's had not spoken to the Ives' since the incident. Malcolm had not come to see her nor spoken to her and Gladys had ignored any invitations for tea. Gladys had been such a close friend and Malcolm, he had been more. Claire truly missed their company, her house seemingly forever cold and quiet without the Murray's. She couldn't blame Vanessa, her sweet little girl but she missed her companionship with the other family. She was so lonely now, Vanessa always in bed and mostly unresponsive and Gordon quiet in his own way. Gordon was in his study now, reading over papers and other matters of business. Claire exhaled and shifted in her seat, stiff and uncomfortable from sitting too long. She glances at the fire, the flames dancing. She lost her gaze in the fire and herself in her thoughts. Suddenly she was pulled from her glance when she heard the flooring creak. She looked up and saw her daughter at the top of the stairs. Completely surprised, and stunned she just stared at her daughter for a moment, slowly rising from her seat.

 

"Mother," Vanessa whispers, tears in her eyes. Claire walks to her daughter, with tears of her own. Vanessa is at the top of the stairs, clutching the railing. Her daughter needs her now. Her daughter is awake and up. Her daughter has come back.

"Vanessa… Vanessa lets get you back to bed" Claire says, wrapping a warm arm around her daughter's shoulders, turning her towards Vanessa's room. It's her instinct, getting her daughter back to her bed, before the girl collapses. Her face is deathly pale, completely colourless  

"No!" Vanessa exclaims, almost hysterical.

"Vanessa-" Claire squeaks, shocked by her daughter's outburst.

"I want to sit with you" Vanessa replied, sounding desperate and vulnerable but also so strong and brave at the same time.

Claire doesn't process what her daughter is saying at first. "My dear?" She asks as if to say _pardon_.

"I want to sit with you, mother," Vanessa replies, looking her mother in the eyes. She sees the shine of tears there and expects her mother can see the same in her own eyes.

"Yes, my girl," Claire says and with a strong arm around her shoulder the other supporting her elbow, the two women decent down the stairs slowly.

 

The warmth of the fire was comforting to Vanessa, but more so was her mother's warmth and the comfort her embrace brings. They hobble towards the fire where Claire had sat moments before. Claire sits Vanessa in the chair she was just in and then moves an adjacent chair closer. Before she reclines herself Vanessa speaks, pointing to the book on the table. It was Claire's Bible.

 

"Can you read to me?" Vanessa asks, almost childlike. Memories of all the times Vanessa had asked in years past, for Claire to read to her. All the nights spent reading stories and poetry together. 

"Of course, my dear," Claire said, positioning herself so the light from the fire would illuminate the pages.

  
_"John 1._

  
_This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him, there is no darkness at all._

_If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth._

_But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin._

_If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us._

_If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."_

 

As Claire finishes the last line, Vanessa beguins to sob. Great big, sorrowful sobs that wrack her whole body. Claire quickly puts the Bible aside and goes to comfort her daughter, who in turn rose to hug her mother. They drew each other close, both crying helplessly.

It was like that that Gordon Ives found his wife and daughter a few minutes later, entangled by the fire with tear stained cheeks. He hesitated, confused and surprised at his daughter being out of bed and responsive. Claire looks up at him and beckons him to join them. And so as a family, they embrace.

 

All previous grievances out of mind, the only occupant of their brains being the feelings of joy and comfort. All was still not well, but for that stretch of time in which the Ives family held each other, nothing else mattered. At last Vanessa seemed herself again and her parents rejoiced at having their precious daughter come back to them. In that moment nothing else mattered, they were together again. They would battle whatever was to come, as a family. And as one family, they would help each other overcome anything thrown at them. Claire and Gordon had their little girl back, and for Vanessa, she had overcome all the damage done by the demon that would possess her and the Banning institute that had claimed to make her better. Vanessa; who had believed that she had nothing left and who had wanted to die, now had was in her parent's warm embrace but also was with her god.

She recalls part of the passage her mother had just read _, But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin._

Vanessa was in the light with her God now, surrounded by those she loved. She was with her God and he would take her in his arms and forgive her of her sins.

**Author's Note:**

> Please, comment below, criticism is welcome as is any praise. If you liked it leave a Kudos, it would mean a lot to me :)


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